Should we remember only the good and forget the bad?

Dear friends,

I'm not so sure that we should remember only the good and forget the bad.

If I remember right, the last words of Gone With the Wind, at least the last words that Scarlett O'hara says are "I'll think about that tomorrow." I wasimpressed with those words when I was in high school and I decided to do the

same thing. Whenever I felt badly because of something I'd say to myself, "I'll

think of that tomorrow." And promptly forget about it. I didn't think about it the next day, either.

It took awhile, but after awhile I began to feel upset enough that I decided to

stop "stuffing" and not thinking about things. So I stopped Scarlett's practise

and felt alright again.

Later I found that I could do two other things that helped. You may not agree,

but at least one of them has worked very well for me, and the other one has allowed me to manage to put up with people I had to put up with, and manage to feel

alright about them.

The first thing was that I tried to learn anything I could so that I would be wise for my children. I pondered things that went wrong, or things that made me upset until I found the usefulness in them. Then I let them go.

The second was that I tried to understand why people might be the way they were.

When I felt I had arrived at some kind of an acceptable understanding I

was able to forgive them. I must admit that some of the "understandings" I arrived at were probably fiction, and I sort of let myself know that, but I was still able to forgive them and let it go.

It seems to be necessary to work through "bad" experiences, and not just to forget them. It isn't a good idea to dwell on the unpleasant things of life, and you should also be willing to ask forgiveness for things you shouldn't have done,

but after you have asked you should believe that you have received it.

Also, you see, after you know that you did something you shouldn't have done

you have grown. You probably have resolved to try to do better next time. Thatcertainly means you've made progress, and now you aren't quite the same person you were before. You need to forgive yourself, too. Here's an example I know from someone else. I'm not telling you my own story here.

A person was sorry that they had sex outside of marriage, first with one and later with another person. They felt that they weren't chaste and felt guilty.

Even later when they had married and were a good mate and partner who never

betrayed their partner's trust they still felt they weren't a chaste person. Lucky for them the subject came up and I was able to convince them that they were

now chaste and whatever had been before was past and not part of their present way of being. Thankfully for them they agreed and became much happier. I think

that kind of understanding of yourself is compassionate and just. People make a

lot of mistakes before they learn the best ways, just as children make a lot of

mistakes before they learn to eat properly or walk, and so on.

Another person was feeling guilty about something that was really holding their

spirit down. They wore something to continually remind themselves of the wrong

they had done. Once again the subject came up and the story came out. In this

case they agreed to cast the thing into pure running water as a symbol of thechange and cleansing. They had a new lease on life instead of being continually

made to feel that they were wearing a hair shirt. Do you know that rather fanatical Christians used to wear hair shirts under their clothes so that they would

be continually irritated and in pain, even, from the scratching of the hair shirt? They wanted to give themselves something to overcome to prove their love for

God, I suppose, and to strengthen their ability to continue regardless of their

discomfort. Personally I think its a horrible idea. I've read that these raspy horsehair shirts used to even make infections in their skin. I don't think that's the way a loving creator wants us to live. There are also those who used rough cords to beat themselves on the backs of their shoulders on both sides, until they were bloody. Some people still do it when they go on certain kinds of pilgrimages. How awful!

Anyway, don't wear an inner psychological hair shirt by remembering past things

you did wrong and feeling guilty all over again every time. Some people do that

for many years. The best thing is to turn your thoughts away from such a

self torturing thought when it becomes a repeater. Turn your thoughts to the greatest good you can think of and think of that every time it tries to come back

until it stops.

But we do have to handle the things that happen to us in life until we have

actually managed to bring ourselves to some equilibrium with them, and then

let them recede. We can't just gloss over them and forget them.

I will be very interested in anyone's thoughts or experiences that worked with

this kind of thing.

Friendly good wishes to you all, Mary