[托福写作]托福作文 4
第四讲 习作修改
Case 1
Topic:Some people think that parents should plan their children''s leisure time carefully. Others believe that children should decide for themselves how to spend their free time.
Student Essay:
It goes without saying that one''s childhood is the most wonderful and unforgettable time in one''s life.
As far as I''m concerned, I quite agree to it. First of all, take me for a good example, my parents are like good teachers and helpful friends in my life. As I remember, they never interfered with my life excessively. They always left enough freedom to me so that I could embark upon what I liked to do in my spare time. Because they quite understood that my weekdays were occupied with a heavey workload, only in my spare time could I have a change of pace. Mutual understanding is very important in my family. I no way, however, does it mean they live me overmuch. They were austere teachers, when I made mistakes. They were good friends, when I came upon something dificult. Now that I grow up to possess characteristics of self-confidence, optimism, and independence which enable me to face the challenges and failures in my life with joy, I am very grateful for my parents. Without them, I would be far from happiness.
On the contrarry, some parents expect too much of their children. This can give rise to such a situation. Parents would rather pay more attention to their children''s study than their interests and hapiness, thus resulting in serious misunderstanding between parents and children. Some parents even "help" their children make a schedule in order to make the best use of time. Children are deprived of hapiness in that they have to do so many homework both form within the school and without, under their parents'' watchful eyes. Therefore, children are more likely to be introverts heavily dependent on their parents when they grow up. this will definitely bring forth come disadvantages. For one thing, they will find it''s much difficult to adjust themselves to the competitive society. Besides, it''s not easy for them to get used to expose themselves to other people. As we know, confining oneself in an ivory tower will make it hard for him to communicate with others. The interaction between people, however, plays a major role in one''s career, is one of the most important elements in achieving success.
Revised Essay:
Childhood is a decisive period in the process of one''s growth. Therefore, many people think that parents should carefully plan not only their children''s school education but also their spare time. Other people, however, argue that children should have the freedom to plan their own extracurricular life. On balance, I would side with those parents who respect children''s freedom and independence.
If children have the freedom to make decisions on how to spend their spare time and develop their interests, they will gradually form a sense of responsibility and become more capable in the life world. Take myself as a good example. My parents are like good teachers and helpful friends in my life. As I remember, they never excessively interfered with my life and always left enough freedom to me so that I could embark upon what I liked to do in my spare time. They quite understood that my weekdays were occupied with a heavy workload, and that only in my spare time I could have a change of pace. Meanwhile, although mutual understanding and tolerance were an important part of my childhood life, in no way does it mean that they spoiled me. They were austere teachers when I made mistakes, and helpful friends when I came across difficulties. Owing to their understanding, tolerance, guidance, and above all, love, I have grown up to be a person of self-confidence, optimism, and independence, ready to confront any challenges in my life. Without the free family environment that my parents carefully designed for me, I wouldn''t have lived such a happy life.
On the contrary, some parents expect too much of their children, depriving them of all their independence and freedom. These parents would rather sacrifice their children''s interests and happiness for nothing but good scores, thus resulting in serious misunderstanding between parents and children. Some parents even went so far as to plan their children''s schedule, filling every minute with study task. In this case, children are deprived of happiness because they are bound hand and foot by endless homework, numerous exams and boring evening or weekend classes. Furthermore, having no freedom to plan their own life, these children are more likely to become introvert, heavily dependent on their parents when they grow up. This will definitely affect their growth. For one thing, since they have no opportunity to develop their independent thinking and explore their potential, they will find it very difficult to adjust themselves to the competitive society. For another, confining oneself in an ivory tower will make it hard for him or her to communicate with others. This will affect their career development in the future because the interaction between people plays a major role in the workplace, and is one of the most important elements in achieving career success. Obviously, parents'' excessive interference with children''s after-school life, if carried to the extreme, can cause serious damage to both their happy childhood and their career in the future.
To sum up, I believe that parents should leave enough freedom and privacy to their children with a view to cultivating their character. As long as parents allow their children the necessary freedom accompanied by careful guidance, their children will grow up to be independent, responsible and successful.
Case 2
Topic: Some students participate in school activities such as clubs and sports. Other students do not take part in such activities because they spend more time on their studies. Tell why you think the two groups of students spend their time differently? Which type of students do you prefer to be? Explain why.
Student Essay:
Most people think the duty of students is study so it is natural for them to spend more time on their study. On the contrary, some people think out-course activities are also important.
Why students are always forced to study diligently? One reason is that for long time scores are the only criteria to judge students'' behavior in the school. If a student is studying hard, he or she will be praised as a "good student", if not, he or she will be regarded as "something wrong". The other reason is simple. The goal of studying in school is to get better grades and then go to better high-level school and at the end, get a better and stable job.
Surely one of the most important aim of students is to acquire as much knowledge as they can in order to qualify their future work. But much more disadvantages can it brings to the student''s future adult life, if he or she only put their eyes on books. Spend too much time on their study. Students will have no time to attend in other activities such as, clubs and sports, which could open a New World for them. By attending these activities, we find that students can exchange and share views with others. They can be taught to be more open, more competitive, and more independent. Some activities can exercise students'' management and organizational skills. They are useful for their future challenges. And with development of these skills and experiences, students can be more concentrates on their study and sometimes, it can help them to get better result in studying than they expected. The very example is this year''s number one student who pass the exams of high school education. While in middle school, he is very active in sports and club activities. Moreover, he is the leader of his class. When talking on his success, he says the school activities give him opportunities to enrich his abilities and skills. It helps them to encounter the exams with not much stress and burden.
Therefore, I totally in favor of the idea that students should be encouraged to participate in more free course activities, not only because it can help them to develop more skills and abilities, but also because it can help their studies, vice verse.
Revised Essay:
Most people think that the duty of students is to study, so it is natural for them to spend more time on their study. On the contrary, some people argue that extracurricular activities are also important. As far as I concerned, I prefer attending various school activities to sitting all the time before the table.
Why do some students spend all their time studying so diligently? One reason is that for a long time scores have been regarded as the only criterion to judge students'' performance at school. If a student studies hard, he or she will be praised as a "good student". If not, he or she will be labeled as a "bad student". Another reason is that many people assumes that the goal of studying at school is to get high scores, then go to famous universities or graduate schools, and in the end, get a high-salary job. Surely one of the most important aims of students is to acquire as much knowledge as they can in order to qualify themselves for their future career. But if they limit themselves to book knowledge, they will miss the opportunities to develop in an all-round way, which will certainly bring about a lot of disadvantages to their future adult life.
Actually, attending other activities such as clubs and sports does more good than harm to students. By participating in these activities, students can exchange and share views with one another and learn to become more open-minded, more competitive, and more independent. What''s more, some activities can train students'' management skills, which are useful for the challenges in their future career. With the development of these skills and the accumulation of communicative experience, students will be able to deal with their courses more effectively and thus attain better achievements in their study than they expected. As the saying goes, "all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy." A striking example is Li Yang, this year''s Number One in the National Higher Education Entrance Examination in China. At middle school, he was very active in sports and club activities. Besides, as monitor of his class, he spent a lot of time organizing debates, parties, and various contests. Talking about his success, he said that the school activities gave him opportunities to develop his abilities and skills, which not only contributed to his study in class, but more importantly, prepared him for the challenges in his coming college life.
Therefore, I am totally in favor of the idea that students should be encouraged to participate in more extracurricular activities, not only because it can benefit their studies simultaneously, but also because it can help them develop more skills and abilities. Those students who can organically combine study and extracurricular activities will be the masters of their future.
Case 3
比较下列习作的开头段：
Topic 1: Some students like to have outdoor activities. Others like indoor activities. Which do you prefer? Give specific reasons and examples to illustrate your answer.
Some students like to have outdoor activities because it can keep them fit, build their bodies and bring them close to the nature. Others who advocate indoor activities may argue that indoor activities are more convenient and help build their minds. I like both kinds of activities. Actually, I can not do without either of them. However, if I was forced to make a choice, I prefer indoor activities.
Topic 2: Some people would prefer to live in a house, while others prefer to live in an apartment. Which do you prefer? Why?
I prefer to live in the house.
Topic 3: Some people suggest the government impose the limit on private cars to alleviate the traffic congestion. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Explain why.
I agree with this suggestion. We should limit private care in Beijing''s road. Everyday, I must spend one and a half hour on the way to my office. Do you know how far from my apartment to office? Only 10 kilometers. The road is always crowded with bus, mini-bus, and cars. According to the statistics of a consulting agent, more than 40 percent of the transportation vehicles are private cars. Chinese reform help many people become rich enough to buy private cars. The increase of the number of private cars is faster than the road building. I think the most effective measure is to limit private cars and to develop the public transportation. A bus can accommodate more than 100 person, while only a car can only accommodate five person. One hundred buses will substitute twenty thousand cars. Surely driving is more comfortable than taking bus. But it is also suffering and wasting time to crawl in the road. The time you waste on the road is far more valuable than the convenience you get by driving car.
比较下列习作的正文段落:
Topic 3: Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support our position.
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It is impossible to measure the influence that a mother has over her children. The child is first carried inside the mother for nine months. Once it is born, the child soon hears the mother''s voice. In infancy and childhood the mother is, in most cases, always near the child. Most children learn the language through parental love. The expression in English for a person''s first language is "mother tongue". Across the world, the first words that children speak are the equivalent of "mama" and "dada". By contrast, it is also important to note that infants do not usually make friends until they are several months old. These influences remain in the young adult.
Economically, too, the parents are the greatest influence on a child. The financial circumstances of the parents affect the child both directly and indirectly. An example of direct influence is the choice of school which the parents can afford. An example of indirect influence would be some way in which the child copies the lifestyle of the parents. A young person with rich parents will probably be accustomed to spending a lot of money. The influence continues to be present in young adults for many years. A teenager might disagree with his parents about what university or career he should choose, but the range of alternatives will be established by the family circumstances.
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Topic 2: Some people think that we should inform patients of cancer while others maintain we should not. What do you think? Explain why.
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Life is beautiful, everyone want to enjoy the life as long as she or he lives. Perhaps, nobody ever thinks of die or had an idea about dying although nowadays cancer is still not curable. If we inform the patients of cancer, they will be crushed at hearing this news, and they will lose their fighting spirit. Several days later, they die. We quicken their death. To some degree, we are the killers.
We should do what we can to let them always live in a happy mood in the last days of their lives. We should also keep up their spirit to fight back. With the help of doctors and relatives, I believe, the patient will live longer than expected, or even recover surprisingly.
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比较下列习作的结尾段：
Topic 1：Some intensive English programs in the United States offer a foreign student the option of living with an American family while he or she is studying abroad. Many students feel that such a home-stay program is a valuable part of their total learning experience. However, others may feel that such a plan offers little value. In a short essay, discuss one or two advantages of living with an American family and then state one or two disadvantages. Tell whether you are in favor of or opposed to the idea of home-stay. Give examples to support your opinion.
In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of a home-stay program are more obvious than its disadvantages not only because the student can learn about American customs in the most natural way possible, but also because he will find himself in an atmosphere in which he can improve his English more effectively. Therefore, I am in favor of the home-stay program.
Topic 2: Some people think that we should inform patients of cancer while others maintain we should not. What do you think? Explain why.
So I don''t think we should inform the patients of cancer.
Topic 3: Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support our position.
Finally according to an investigation, parents are the most important person in people''s mind. 2/3 young man choose their father or mother as their idol. Without doubt, family is the most influence on young adults.
